Oh the guilt!

Carter did NOT want to go to Gramma Aunty's today. (This is what we named her Aunty Linda, who was so used to being the only one with grandkids for quite some time, that she kept calling herself Gramma) Gramma Aunty has been watching her one day a week on Tuesday's to give Landa a free day. Since Carter was sick, or playing sick enough to stay home yesterday, she was pretty sure she needed to stay again today. Robert tried to get her up at 6:30 to take her with him and she cried and just wanted to go back to sleep. Since Robert had taken her to town with him last night for supplies and they didn't get home till way late, I figured she probably did need to sleep in. At 8 am I went back and tried to wake her up again, and normally if I wake her up, within 5 or 10 minutes, she's up and ready to go. Not today. By 9 she still didn't want to get out of bed, although she was hoping that I would bring breakfast in bed! What?? Robert called and said one of his guys was coming back to the house to pick up some lumber and she could ride over with him back to Gramma Auntys. Robert is in the middle of a big remodel job for Linda, so it's kinda nice to have him so close. He's been working in Columbus and had to leave the house by 6 am so we didn't see him as much. So I hurried up and got Carter dressed despite the protest and crying. She kept telling me, "Me stay with you, me stay home t'day." Oh, I felt horrible! I really needed to finish up some work today since she had stayed home yesterday. She cried all the way to Shawn's truck telling me that she needed to "huggle you" and that Shawn didn't like her. (She loves Shawn when she's in a good mood). The last couple of weeks she been slowly getting more adamant about staying home. She loves to go when she gets where we're going, but it the going part she hates. (Unless it's going to town with Dad!) I feel so guilty some days and really wish she could stay home more. I have a pretty ideal situation right now where she's only gone for a few hours in the morning--generally from about 8 am to 1 pm and spends the rest of the afternoon with me. Sigh. It's never easy being mom. I think you feel guilty no matter what you do. I wish I could be a stay at home mom some days although it is honestly WAY more work than actually going to a job, and I wonder if I'm really up to it. I enjoy the quite time I have to work and do my own stuff each day. But that isn't an option right now, although with number 2 on the way, we're certainly looking into the possibility. I'm also checking out a couple stay at home job options, such as getting certified in Quickbooks and as bookkeeper and see if I can't do some odd jobs like that--my Aunt Nancy thinks there is a good opportunity. However, if I do stay home, there may also be the opportunity to watch my sister Christy's two kids and my brother's soon to be new baby. I'm not sure I'm up to that, but who knows? It would sure be nice for all the cousins to grow up together, and it's only for a few years. (Years seems rather ominous...) But for now, as much as I HATE the wait and see approach, that is kinda what I need to do right now.



Carter went to town with Robert on Sunday and the only thing she wanted to wear was her puppy dog suit. It was a Halloween costume that we didn't end up wearing because Grampa came up with a Chicken suit. (She really wanted to wear that too, but I decided the puppy dog was the lesser of two evils.) She had a ball in town with everyone admiring her outfit, which included the mask, which unfortunately sounded like she was saying 'ass' when you asked her what it was.