Mommy Pop Quiz

Yesterday I made a major mommy error in taking a hot tired kid into the grocery store thinking I would grab a few groceries before running home. I felt like the whole experience was something that was definitely missing from any mommy handbook I've ever read and a test to see what I've learned in the last couple years. I somehow don't feel like I passed, although the fact that the kid is still alive should count for something.

Mommy Quiz Question 1: You have crammed a hot tired kid into the special pink butterfly looking cart that is about as easy to push around the grocery store as a dump truck and about as heavy. The kid has decided to start howling because you won't give them any more candy. Do you

A. Give the kid the damn candy and hope they will shut up
B. Refuse to give the kid the candy and ignore all the non-mommy shoppers glares as the howling increases in volume
C. Spank the kid in the store and threaten to leave them there if they don't shut up right now

Ok, so I picked B. Answer C was getting pretty tempting though. The store wasn't too crowded and I figured all the other mommies have either been there before and/or had heard this enough to be sympathetic. As for the Non-Mommies, well I figured I was giving them reason to applaud their decision not to be mommies or a reason to stay on birth control a little longer. Or even better, they could pat themselves on the back like I once did and self righteously think, "MY kid will never do that!"


Mommy Quiz Question 2: You finally make it to the check out stand and said kid is now in complete meltdown. You can just barely hear the check-out clerk over the noise. Kid REFUSES to leave the pink butterfly cart and in fact is trying to push it back through the checkout (over you if possible) so that she doesn't have to leave the store. Do you

A. Try to bribe the kid into silence and/or cooperation
B. Pretend this isn't your kid anymore
C. Grab your groceries, forcibly pry kid off the butterfly cart and march out to the car

Well, the young check-out clerk tried A and I can tell you that didn't work (bet she keeps taking her birth control--heck she may have given up sex altogether) and B didn't seem like much of an option either since she was screaming out Mommy occasionally in her tirade (that has now been going on for about 20 minutes--I'm sure by now the other shoppers are telling the story in hushed horrified tones and the tantrum time has increased to hours). So that left C. The person that normally helps you take out your groceries took one look at Carter and one look at the expression on my face and disappeared. Oh, thanks for the help. So I pried Carter out of the cart and with one arm firmly clamped around her (of course she is kicking and screaming) and the other trying to push the damn cart, marched out of the store, to everyone's relief.

Mommy Quiz Question 3: Said horrible kid is now strapped into the car seat, finally quiet and drinking Gatorade. Mommy notices that kid is getting that sleepy look (oh hooray!) however, still holding an open almost full bright red sticky drink. Every time mommy tries to take the drink or put a lid on it, said kid immediately goes right back to howling and not looking sleepy. Do you

A. Take the drink anyway, put the lid on it and turn up the radio
B. Chicken out and hope the kid doesn't spill the drink when they fall asleep

Ya, B. Definitely. Probably not the right answer but I'd do it again. It was the only quiet I got the rest of the afternoon. I trained my rear view mirror on the drink and when she finally fell asleep, I slipped it out of her hands and drank the damn thing myself. There.

Mommy Quiz Question 4: Now the mommy is finally home with wonderful quiet sleeping kid. Do you

A. Take the kid out of the car seat and lay them in bed, hoping they will stay asleep
B. Roll down the windows and pray they keep sleeping

Oh to retake that quiz question. Rookie mommy mistake, I picked A. She woke up while I was trying to get her out of the car seat (she normally stays asleep...) and the fight was right back on. She started kicking and screaming so I sat her down right in the dusty driveway and left her, for about 20 minutes while I unloaded groceries, made phone calls, and then made sure all the critters had water. It had started to sprinkle a little, but she just kept on howling. She finally got tired of no audience and came to search me out. The rest of the afternoon pretty much followed the same pattern. I did call Robert and warn him that if he wanted to see his daughter again, he might want to hurry home. NOW. Oh and naturally, once he got home, she suddenly couldn't be sweeter. She was suddenly all smiles and cute little girl again for poppa. Luckily Robert has witnessed (finally) some of the Jekyll and Hyde behavior before (I suppose it's a kid survival mechanism that helps keeps them alive), so he didn't think I was completely crazy. I seriously don't know how single parents manage, I really don't. So mommy decided she'd had enough for the day and went to bed! Whew. Unfortunately I have to go back to town for my doctors appointment. Sigh. Here's hoping for an easier quiz tomorrow!